Depression blows

What's a girl to do when her darling husband can't/won't/doesn't get out of bed all day? What's a girl to do when she has to be to work at 8 but all she can think is, "But if I leave that early, how can I be sure that he's going to go to work today?" What's a girl to do when her husband is adjusting to new medication, has a love/hate relationship with his job, and seems to think that using drugs will somehow "help him feel better?"

Luckily, my hubs, let's call him Jim, has agreed to forgo his "natural" cure for depression, c@nn@bis, until we at least try to adjust his traditional medication of anti-depressants. I just can't wrap my head around the idea of medical m@riju@n@ for anything besides cancer patients. It is apparently gaining credibility and use in California, but I'm reluctant to jump on the weed wagon until I've seen some cold, hard, research-proven facts. (But alternatively, it is a natural substance, that has been used for over a hundred years for the treatment of melancholia aka depression... who's to say that man-made brain altering chemicals are better for you than found in nature brain altering chemicals?)

It is pretty hard to see him so depressed that he can't get out of bed, when I know that one tiny dose of c@nn@bis will help him feel functional, happy, appropriately emotional and not at all "buzzed" or high (according to him.)

What's a girl to do when it's time to leave work for the day, but she doesn't want to go home?

I love my husband and I truly believe that we'll be able to move past this dark patch of life but some days I feel utterly alone and that my strength is waning. I know that Jim wants to get better and in some of his better days he has articulated to me that he is sorry for the pain and sorrow he causes me. (Note: He just called me in tears, saying "I'm sorry," over and over. It's heartbreaking the pain he's in and the guilt he feels for putting me through this hell with him.) I don't blame him AT ALL. I know that depression is a disease and that treating it is often a lifelong struggle. I also knew what I was getting myself into when we got married. But...

there are days when I want to run away.